Memoirs I Wish I Wrote
Because I am still waiting for something interesting to happen to me other than that time when Kate Moss knocked me over in a crosswalk when I was eleven. Kate if you're reading this, f*ck you.
When I was thirteen-ish, I used to brush my teeth, look at myself in the mirror, and pretend to answer questions on Conan O’Brien. He’d ask me about who I was dating (Josh Hutcherson - we make the height difference work), about that embarrassing mishap I had at a Pinkberry in Hollywood (the only place I knew celebrities went to thanks to J-14), and if I…